First — a quick clarification of confidence vs. pride for our purposes.
Confidence* is derived from defining yourself accurately.
Pride shows up when you define yourself in terms of others. More about this here.
Confidence, therefore, requires honesty, responsibility, and maturity. Pride likes to avoid those very things. So in pursuit of becoming more self-aware, there’s much to discover. But here’s a few key things to check for:
AWARENESS OF YOUR TALENTS/GIFTS
You know what you’re naturally good at — but it doesn’t stop there. AS A RESULT of your awareness of your gifts and talents, you TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for cultivating those gifts and LEVERAGE them wisely. Help others, solve problems, create beauty.
AWARENESS OF YOUR SHORTCOMINGS/WEAKNESSES
No one is perfect. This truth will persist with or without your consent. SO if this is the case, it’s okay that you’re part of that scene. You will need to grow/change/improve and then you’ll get better and then you’ll have to do it again. Trusted friends, peers, mentors can help you spot those points faster and cheer you on as you tackle the refinement process.
AWARENESS OF YOUR FINITUDE
There are limits to what you can know about yourself. You can’t see or know or experience everything at once. You’re human and you get exhausted, hurt, confused. You trying your best on your best day will look different from you trying your best on your worst day. People with different vantage points may (and the best of them will) shed light on a part of you that you may not have noticed — for better or worse. A gift worth mining. A vice worth confronting. We’re meant to need and help each other in community for this exact reason.
The ULTIMATE END GOAL for self-help books, therapies, and zen trends is not to be filled with pride— but to be a more fully and sincerely realized person.
Why? Simply, it’s nicer to be around confident people. It’s better to work with them. It’s easier to create with them. It’s exciting to learn from them. It’s rewarding to help them grow. It’s more enjoyable overall.
Confident people help you feel at ease because they know who they are. If you’re someone they trust to speak wisely into their lives about their growth, they know what to do with the feedback you provide. If you’re not someone they trust or know well — they know what to do with that feedback too. There’s ever room for improvement but their core identity is not shaken.
So if you’re not feeling very confident, take a very brutally honest inventory of who you are and what you’re uniquely capable of — work on the areas you need to refine and get creative with expressing your strengths and if you’re stuck — it is a critical part of being human to ask for help and encouragement along the way. Don’t get distracted by anyone else’s story. They’re on their own path of self-discovery — possibly in pursuit of their own confidence.
